Presence Is Not Something You Search For, But Something You Have To BE

Your healing work is a secure foundation for every step you take. Trust it.

“Just be present” is thrown around like it’s as easy as breathing – It’s not. 

I recently took a class that awakened me to understand “Be Present” a bit more. I understood my fear of it.

“All my life I had to fight..” – Oprah Winfrey, The Color Purple

I was used to fighting to make others see I was worthy, beautiful, and belonging. Hell, I was trying to convince myself as well. How can I be present if my mind focuses on continuously trying to convince others I AM? 

I have been visited by the calming and beautiful energy of Presence. I could not seem to live in it; it flickered on and off like a light bulb. When I started the journey of Presence, I figured this light-bulb action wouldn’t last long because it’s just the beginning, and I was trying to figure it out – that was not the case. 

I felt stuck in this stage of searching for Presence. That light bulb soon stayed off. Why? Because I wanted to keep fighting. I was fighting to be seen and accepted. As a black queer woman, I believed I had a lot of convincing to do. If I am not convincing, then who will know I AM?

I am now back in the presence of Presence, realizing it is not something you search for but something you have to BE. It’s realizing I have no convincing to do at all. I learned all the healing I’ve done and continue to do is something I need to trust. Letting myself BE is understanding my healing work is my secure foundation for every step I take. 

I would not have understood how to “Be Present” if it weren’t for my path. I used to mentally and verbally shit on myself for taking too long to reach a point in my healing process. The truth is, the time you’re taking is what you probably need to take. Even if it is an area in your life where you know you need to move on, and you don’t because of fear, it is a place you need to be. Maybe there is something we need to learn to encourage us to move on, and it will motivate us to have the courage to do so again when required. We won’t understand before our time.

So, if “Be Present” isn’t sitting with you right now, ask yourself why. What is stopping you from the present? Don’t worry; it is not as easy as portrayed – there are quite a few steps to take before bathing in that energy. Honestly, I’m finding out the steps are continuous.

EricaChinise