Letting go of stagnation means it is time to live. Living comes with shadow work, healing, mirrors, triggers, and trusting ourselves; we often stay put to avoid living.
How long have you stayed in a situation or relationship (business, friendship, or romantic) just because you’re comfortable? Are you in one right now? We all have done it at least once or twice. The question is, are we just staying for “comfort”? That’s a funny word to use when we decide to stay in a place where we feel disrupted down to our core. In this instance, the word comfort is like people using the word “anger” to describe their feelings – anger is the result of a more profound emotion that has been ignored.
Also, the word “stay” is interesting as well – we say “staying in a relationship,” it feels like the word “content.” Most of us do not want to be content in a relationship or life. Deep inside, we want to be alive.
The relationships I chose to stay in most were toxic and traumatic. A few relationships were beautiful and loving, while the situation around them (either with me or my partner) didn’t provide the comfort to “Live” in the relationship. In all my relationships, either with ill situations or an ill connection, I stayed for convenience, or so I thought. I realize, as I witness a current relationship becoming something I didn’t have in mind, that I didn’t stay for comfort – I stayed due to the fear of trusting myself and the fear of living.
A friend told me, “Sometimes people stay where they are because they know they will be forced to deal with the things that trouble them.” What my friend said didn’t hit me until I dreamt about a venomous serpent that would not stop following me. This snake never threatened to bite me or attack me in any way, but it seemed its presence was inevitable in my life. Of course, I was terrified of the snake, more so for its venom – anyone would be. I ran from this snake as much as I could until I realized it was not attacking me, and there was no escaping it, so I had to figure out how to live with its existence.
When I woke, I was trying to escape the dream’s meaning. My best friend told me, “Snakes mean change and transformation. You have to stop running.” – this made sense, but the venomous snake seemed to hold a deeper meaning for me. Then I remembered something I say to my clients often, “The poison is also the antidote.” The snake represents change and transformation. The venom represents life and all of its triggers and mirrors I am afraid of, something that is not avoidable, even more so when I decide to live. My fear of this venomous snake mirrored my anxiety in my waking life – fear of trusting myself through this world of triggers and mirrors.
When we choose to “stay” in relationships that we feel are keeping us stagnant, in some way, we know it is because we know we do not have to worry about trusting or failing ourselves. In some way, we understand by leaving or choosing to live, we agree to come face to face with our shadows. We must trust ourselves and our healing to work through triggers and trauma. Letting go of stagnation means it is time to move forward; moving forward means living. Living comes with shadow work, healing, mirrors, and triggers; we must trust ourselves to walk through it safely.
Living sounds freeing, but to most, it can sound terrifying. As of right now, for me, it is both terrifying and liberating. I ultimately chose living over stagnation for myself and with hopes that the people I care deeply for will someday join me. There are ways we can begin to step out of stagnation and choose life:
- Identify the “Good things” that keep you where you are.
- Identify the scary things you will face or do if you leave a relationship.
- Breathe.
- Ask yourself often, “How does that make me feel?”
- Journal, meditate, go to therapy, and begin shadow work.
- Ask yourself what is needed to make you feel safe enough to Live.
- How can you slowly make sure you have your needs?
- Breathe.
- When you walk into a trigger or mirror, trust your self-work (meditation, journaling, shadow work, therapy, etc.)
- Review your past journals to see just how far you’ve come and some things you can work on.
These suggestions have helped me find my footing and gain the courage to trust myself to live this life. I won’t say that I am not terrified, but I know I am now equipped with the tools to keep myself safe and walk through life.
I am not trying to encourage you to leave any relationship you are in. I am encouraging you to see your self-power and begin to walk into it. I hope this helps.
Song of the blog – Verdigris by Roger Eno, Brian Eno
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