Anytime we stop growing, become stagnant, and expect life to work in our favor, we can expect life to become uncomfortable.
The new year encourages “New Beginnings” in many people worldwide. I see rituals like washing away the old energy in the ocean, cleaning the house to promote new energy, purchasing new wallets and purses to invite more money, writing letters to self or others, and then burning them. Many rituals encourage us to adopt the “new year, new me” mindset. The tricky part? Keeping that motivation with us through the days, weeks, months, and even years that come.
These one-and-done rituals make people believe that is all the work that has to be done. When I was a kid, I had to attend church almost every Sunday with my mom and grandmother. Before the sermon, a member would come forward with announcements and a prayer list for church members. The prayer and advice for the members? “Leave it in God’s hands.” – even as a little girl, I knew there was so much more to healing than that. An excellent accountability message is “accept your inability to control things, leave it to the universe, God (or whatever you believe in), and do what your energy allows.” The one-and-done rituals remind me of the “Leave it in God’s hands” message from the church I attended. If I do this one-and-done ritual and I “Leave it,” where does my work come in? How will I understand the situation and things that need to change? How will I hold myself accountable? Where does the contemplation come in? How will I grow? Granted, there are many times when we do need to leave it and rest – something I am currently learning. But something tells me if you’re looking for new year resolutions, there are probably some changes you’re hoping for, and change doesn’t come without work.
This is not to say scratch the rituals because they do not work – they work as a good reset, but they continue to work when we put energy into them and ourselves. Think of manifestation – many believe it stops at putting good thoughts toward a situation, which is not valid. The good thoughts are where it begins, and it continues with changes in behavior and patterns to invite that changing and healing energy into your life.
I’ve recently gone through a “Dark night of the soul” – when we experience painful periods that create depression, grief, and dissociation. The dark night of the soul can be induced by events like death, illness, break-up, or any change. My event is not so simple to explain, but it falls under the fear of loneliness. All the relationships in my life are experiencing some kind of change, all happening while I am experiencing loneliness x10. Whenever I see a specific energy happening all around me, and it is inescapable, I know it’s time for me to walk deep into the shadows to understand it and trust there is a stepping stone there to catch me. I do all the meditation, contemplation, group therapy, self-help books, and reaching out to my people, so why do I feel the same? Well, just like the “one and done” and the “Leave it in God’s hands” messages, I understand something needs to be different, but there’s no direct action of change on my part. My pain and depression are created by the uncomfortable feeling I receive when I try to stay in a place I have outgrown. Anytime we stop growing, become stagnant, and expect life to work in our favor, we can expect life to become uncomfortable.
What is the action for me? It is healthy detachment from the people I love and letting go of what I believe life and my relationships should look like. Action for me is understanding I do not have to save the world, only myself. Rescuing me is learning to trust myself through those “scary” moments and giving permission to live in peace.
Seeing what needs to change and then taking action takes time. Some people will get up and immediately make changes for authentic self-care (which still comes with its steps in healing), and, for most of us, it can take a lot of processing, and that’s okay. The change you want to see may not be the change that happens. Instead, it’ll be the change you need. The time you wish for change may not take place; it could take years. I’ve known for six years that I needed to choose myself first, let go of attachment, and begin saying “No,” but it has taken me six years to finally take that energy and transcend above life as I knew it.
Take your time, but also understand Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes.
What changes or energy are you inviting into your life this new year? What is your plan to continue with that energy? In what ways are you changing your patterns?
EricaChinise
Erica Chinise Art 